The Long and Not-So-Windy Road

"Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:13-14)

A few years ago our family drove to Colorado for a conference my husband had to attend. Being a large family, flying was not an option for us as the cost of 6 airline tickets would have been equal to one entire month's salary at the time.

Most of the drive was terrific and we enjoyed seeing the sights along the way. However, once we got into middle Kansas, the drive became very monotonous and boring. (I apologize to anyone who lives in Kansas. I am sure that your state is lovely but their is not much to see that will entertain young children along I-70 through farmland.) The kids became restless and wanted to know when we were going to see the mountains. Eventually, even I began to ask God how much longer we had to be in this long, flat stretch of road.

Recently, I feel like I have been asking God the same question about life. How long am I going to be stuck in a holding pattern? When am I going to view the mountains of God's plan for my life? How long does this boring routine have to be a part of my life?

Then I read Philippians 3 again and I began to think about people who run races. All of them talk about the same thing -- the period of the race known as "the wall." It is that part of the race where a runner feels like they can't go on any further; the road has become monotonous and each step feels as if their legs weigh hundreds of pounds. These runners each get past the wall by just pushing on. Their training teaches them to keep going, to shift their minds into survival mode and to focus on their ultimate goal.

I am slowly learning that when I hit "the wall" of life, I need to change my focus. Rather than being bored with place I am currently in, I need to switch my focus and concentrate on what God wants of me in that place. Much like our drive to Colorado, I need to set my eyes on the mountains ahead of me -- the beauty that God has waiting for me just a few more miles down the road.

Unless I work at becoming a better runner of life's race, I will never make it past the wall that Satan likes to throw in front of me. His constant barrage of you-aren't-good-enoughs and you-can't-do-thats can really make the journey too difficult. I need to train my heart with the study of God's word and continuous prayer and worship. I need to forget my past mistakes and failures and keep pressing on. But I am totally incapable of running this race without Christ's help.

When I start to "press on toward the goal" God opens my eyes and heart and He makes my life so much sweeter. I begin to enjoy the day-to-day stride of life's race and look toward the glorious finish line when I get to see Jesus and hear Him say, "Well done."

Is There a Purpose to This?

Recently I have been taking a very real, almost painful look at my life and especially my walk with Christ. As the mother of 4 children, I have to say that most of my adult life has been spent in some sort of chaos -- hence the name of my blog.

I have gone through giving birth, job loss, financial trials, giving birth, job loss, moving, moving, giving birth, purchasing a house, giving birth, depression, moving, selling a house, buying a house, graduate school and job change, all while drawing close to God and then questioning His very existence. My Christian walk has been beyond chaotic and I am tired of the roller coaster ride.

Don't get me wrong -- I love roller coasters. I love the thrill of them, the unknown twists and turns that await around each curve. But my walk with Jesus should not be a roller coaster. Yes, there will be unexpected surprises in life, but I am learning that I don't really want to zoom past those unexpected surprises without examining why God placed them there. Spending my time chasing after young children didn't really leave me much time to examination, however.

Now that my children are getting older and life is starting to calm down a little, I am left with these questions that are eating at me: What is my purpose? How can I hear His voice? What does God want me to do now? Not in the what's-coming-in-the-future now, but what does He want me to do right now. At this very moment.

I was quite surprised when I was reading my devotion this morning and it was all about finding the purpose in where I am. Right now. At this very moment. The entire reading was about finding meaning in each and every thing that I do each and every day.

While organizing the linen closet may not be a life altering event, it is a way that I have ministered to my family. They can now find the sheets that fit their beds without having to dig through a potential avalanche of bedding.

While my students may not appreciate the posted assignments they have been asked to complete while we have been dealing with the snow, ice and cold that has hit our part of the country, I have shown that I care about them and their education.

These are small gestures that have required me to do little more than spend a few minutes in our hallway or on my computer. But because I have done them for God, for His glory, they are grand gestures in His eyes. Because I have done them with love in my heart and not a grudging, grumbling countenance, I have brought glory to Him in my everyday, mundane.

My Christian walk may never be un-chaotic. I am always going to be learning to depend on Him and I am always going to be the stubborn, strong-willed child who thinks I know better. But I am hoping that each day I can step a little closer to Him, a little farther from the roller coaster. Maybe by learning to love where I am and what I am doing will help me be more open to where He is sending me. Maybe by showing that I can be content in the every day and ordinary, God will open an opportunity for the out of the way and extraordinary.

I truly hope and pray for that.